Best Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict By Joshua Coleman Ph D.

Best Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict By Joshua Coleman Ph D.

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Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict-Joshua Coleman Ph D.

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A guide for parents whose adult children have cut off contact that reveals the hidden logic of estrangement, explores its cultural causes, and offers practical advice for parents trying to reestablish contact with their adult children.Labeled a silent epidemic by a growing number of therapists and researchers, estrangement is one of the most disorienting and painful experiences of a parent's life. Popular opinion typically tells a one-sided story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled adult children who wrongly blame their parents. However, the reasons for estrangement are far more complex and varied. As a result of rising rates of individualism, an increasing cultural emphasis on happiness, growing economic insecurity, and a historically recent perception that parents are obstacles to personal growth, many parents find themselves forever shut out of the lives of their adult children and grandchildren. As a trusted psychologist whose own daughter cut off contact for several years and eventually reconciled, Dr. Joshua Coleman is uniquely qualified to guide parents in navigating these fraught interactions. He helps to alleviate the ongoing feelings of shame, hurt, guilt, and sorrow that commonly attend these dynamics. By placing estrangement into a cultural context, Dr. Coleman helps parents better understand the mindset of their adult children and teaches them how to implement the strategies for reconciliation and healing that he has seen work in his forty years of practice. Rules of Estrangement gives parents the language and the emotional tools to engage in meaningful conversation with their child, the framework to cultivate a healthy relationship moving forward, and the ability to move on if reconciliation is no longer possible.While estrangement is a complex and tender topic, Dr. Coleman's insightful approach is based on empathy and understanding for both the parent and the adult child. Visit my author page: amazon.com/author/joshuacoleman

Book Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict Review :



I have been helped so much by Dr. Joshua Coleman in the year-plus since my younger son and his family estranged me (for no reason that they have shared with me). This is one of life's most devastating happenings, and I don't know that I would have made it through without Josh's weekly webinars and QandA sessions. His new book encapsulates the wisdom he offers from his decades of advising us (and from his own experience as a once-estranged parent). I read this book in one sitting. What I appreciated most is that he actually gives us the exact right words to say in so many of the situations we confront. He helps us with estrangements involving mental illness, differences over money, troublesome sons- or daughters-in-law, alienation by an ex-spouse, gender issues, political differences, sibling relationships, the many other ways in which a family can break apart. He also gives us the context for how the societal changes that have rocked the US in the last few decades have created a climate of excessive individualism and a breakdown in the traditional intergenerational bonds. We are living in a time when centuries of belief in the unbreakable bonds of family are being questioned and challenged.He does not promise that following his counsel will result in a reconciliation with your estranged child--you may do everything perfectly and your child may still never come around. But I believe that following his advice may be your best chance, and mine. If you are dealing with family estrangement, this book is essential.
The book so far has not spoken to me as the child. I think it assumes that the child is the one who has estranged themselves. What are the different ways that family dynamics can be stacked against the child? You could write novels about many families. If parents side with one of their children, if this sibling is very controlling, and has worked out the family corporation selecting family belongings. Sometimes estrangement is about self preservation in order to live with purpose and community. This is what I have found in a local, traditional Quaker meeting. I am looking for the truth, and how to go about forgiveness. In my perusal of the book, it does not seem to speak to how you come to terms with the truth on both sides. If the parent is built up more than the child, it has a ring of trying to impress people. There are all kinds of circumstances. Perhaps this is more a book to assist the parent.

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